Monday, February 28, 2011

Relationship Engineering

From childhood till death, we are on this theater/ stage of the world busy playing, building and maintaining relationships. Undoubtedly relationships are the most important science on this earth, and if we can master this art, definitely we shall have a life full of progress and happiness. Seeing the intricacies involved, I am giving it the terminology of “Relationship Engineering”.

Relationships give us the biggest platform to learn the lessons of life and about our being here; if one is facing issues with any relationship in life simply means to improve and transform one’s own self, let’s work on our own self and our relationships shall be better.

Relationship is the exchange of energy between two individuals. Now we have to check what kind of energy is exchanged, is it positive or negative? With whatever thought we have in our mind, it shall trigger either positivity or negativity in others. The highest source of positive energy is good wishes for others. Each soul we come in contact, if inside we are wishing good about them, it shall trigger positivity. Here integrity of thoughts is really important, means inside and outside it should be the same. Many times inside we are thinking wrong about the other person, while the words are saying something else. In this case only negative transmission is happening, so do not expect positive results, with these kinds of thoughts internally.

The other highest source of positive energy is trust in others, when we have trust in the other person; the energy transmitted gives confidence to others, triggers the creativity in them. The third source of positive energy is respect to the other person. Even if you are giving instructions to the other person, it should not be through your power, rather to empower the other individual.

Now the case comes, when the other person commits a mistake; don’t withdraw the respect, rather he/she needs more support at this time, if we withdraw the respect or disempower the other person at this time, we shall never achieve the desired results as well. And always remember respect is for the soul and not for the job!!

We attend lot of seminars, conferences etc, on art of living, anger management etc….etc… come out of them, for few days, our words, behavior is good, then after that we are back to our individual self. Why does this happen? Because we are working on the surface level, for a temporary change, we are trying to replace the leaves of the tree to make it better, it shall not work, we have to work at the seed and the roots level, and roots and seed are the thoughts, unless we change and work at our thoughts level rest all is very superficial.

We got to have love, compassion and respect unconditionally for each soul we come in contact with, irrespective of their shortcomings. As this is not their fault, their own battery is so discharged; they are unable to view the situations and others in the right perspective. Today we all know that every day we have to charge our mobile, laptop, cameras and all such other important gadgets. But unfortunately we don’t know how to charge such an important gadget our own human body? This is only possible if we spend 15 minutes of undisturbed time with our selves generating only positive thoughts. First of all do we have even 15 minutes for our self in peace, undisturbed? Secondly even if we are able to get 15 minutes, do we know how to quiet our mind and generate positive thoughts??

Another issue which I would like to touch upon here is how to work with people with ‘anger aura’, who are like touch me not? First of all look at the them also as someone who’s own energy is depleted, he is also living in fear and insecurity. And to hide those emotions, he is always in that anger aura. To deal with such people can be very difficult, but if your own battery is charged, you can deal with love and compassion towards such souls, healing and forgiving them all the while.

And on the other side a leader should realize the difference between fear and respect. At times a leader thinks that to get respect from otters, he has to maintain his touch me not, anger aura status, but respect should come from love and not from fear. Leader is the one whom everyone should feel like meeting, discussing and sharing, rather than going away, scared away because of fear. If there shall be a good bonding in the leader and his subordinates, then only there shall be good following of the instructions.

Another challenge which we commonly face in the office is gossip/ spreading rumors about each other. Realize that it is out of fear and insecurity, the other soul is behaving like that. If I am also fearful then I need to prove otherwise, let’s have compassion towards them, their own batteries are discharged. No body’s wrong, by nature they are also loving and peaceful, right now their vision is blurred. Fill your mind with positive thoughts about them and see the difference in their behavior. Always remember your thought leads to your destiny, you are your own master. Check your thoughts; are they towards internal progression or regression? Check and do what is right for you.

We have to charge our own battery, so that we can see the soul in the others, qualities of others, have faith in others. When we are at peace, love and power with our own self then only we shall be able to transmit love and peaceful energy to others, empowering them and developing healthy relationships.


  1. A very thoughtful piece on relationships.

  2. That's a good article on relationships! I loved the way u talked about various relationships.. for xample.. btween colleagues.. :)

    And recently i read a book titled 'The secret' .. which tells about relationships..

    Good share sonia.. :)
    And yes.. am really checking my thots now :)

  3. yes I loved this piece!

    btw new gfc follower from Mom Bloggers Club.
    hope you follow me back :D

  4. thanks Madhumati, good to mention about this book, i shall also go through it.

    And yes action is more important than mere reading, and great if you have started checking your thoughts, that's the best way to go about it :)

  5. Hi Crinthia, thanks and welcome here.

  6. Pankaj Gautam @ Facebook:

    "Very True"

  7. Sundeep Kathuria @ Facebook:

    "Well said...proud of you"

  8. Prem Sharma, Nirmal Kumari Sharma, S.k. Sharma and Shobha Malhotra like this @ Facebook.

  9. Great peace on taking responsibility in relationships and how we interact with others. I like the component of regulating our own thoughts and having compassion for the other member of the relationship.

    Following you back from MBC.


  10. Hm."relationship engineering"sounds nice.!True if we get 15 minutes ,undisturbed /peaceful ,analyse ourselves ,I think there would not be any scope for a misunderstanding in a relationship.But unfortunately I feel anger prevails and dominates in most of us and that is the root cause for everything.

  11. Hi Theresa, thanks for the feedback, it all depends on taking the responsibility of our behavior and keeping a complete control and check on our thoughts.

  12. Hi Raji, you are right anger does overtake when we come across a difficult situation, but ultimately we are the master of our anger, don't let the anger be our master, this is what needs to be regulated.
    It is easier said than done, it requires a lot of effort, and starts from controlling the thoughts.

  13. hi sonia this is a nice post though it is my first time to hear a relationship engineering...

    please post a comment on my post:

  14. Hey there! Trying to catch up on all the blogs! I found you on MBC! COme follow me back! :)

  15. stopping by from mbc

  16. HI!Stopping by from mbc!

  17. HI!Stopping by from mbc!

  18. What inspires you to write such a wonderful post?...Indeed a very good and thoughts provoking post.

  19. thanks air, we all hear many new things many times in our life, but the main thing is how much space and importance we give to that new concept, a lot would depend upon that :)

  20. thanks Prasad, we know the importance of light after going through the darkness.

  21. Hi SONIA.
    'Relationship' is as such an empowering word . Your adding 'Engineering' extends the dynamics , relevance..& adds up infinity to it.

    If one engineers the relationship with right way
    its what you can call " LIVING life to its fullest"....good reading..

  22. The thing to be noted is.....The way you have put the things in the simplest manner....expressed with so much of simplicity...easy to understand and follow........

  23. Thanks Chan LEE, just the right observation.

  24. Himanshu Gupta @ Linkedin
    National Manager at Lapp India Pvt. Ltd.
    Kolkata, India

    "A very well placed and simple argument for positive thinking and leadership. We need not to search for trust and respect if thinking good.It will come on our way automatically.

    And professionally, together everyone achieves more."

  25. Very inspiring article. Earlier I used to avoid talks with few person in office, that created hatred and hostile environment. I was not able to concentrate properly on work. Later on someone suggested me, feel good and dont feel hatred and that changed my life in office. Many colleagues started to share fun/knowledge. It gave me a positive energy and I learnt a lot of things.

    I would like to request you, could you please allow me to post this link on my facebook?

    Thanks and Regards

  26. Thanks Kailash, and yes it has to be experienced in practical aspect in order to appreciate the facts written, and as u have experienced that by changing our own behavior we can actually feel the change in others.

    Yes sure u can share this post on Facebook.

  27. a beautiful indepth analysis of the building blocks of any succeessful relationship...very well summed up :)

    Love in the times of 'samsung galaxy tab'

    cheers!!! :) :)

  28. Brilliant piece. Well-written. :)

    Please read & promote-

    The Tablet Revolutionary