Saturday, November 27, 2010

Hurt And Forgiveness

We live under an illusion that hurt is caused by another person, so he should get punished, or I have to take revenge from him. In the process we withdraw from him, stop interaction, thinking that we are giving pain to that person. He should feel bad; we can make him feel bad. Even if we forgive we show as if we have done some great favor to the other person.

Whereas the whole situation is wrongly interpreted; the reality is I have chosen to hurt myself, my mental agony is my own creation. If somebody needs to be forgiven, its me, I have to forgive myself I have to be sorry with myself, and forgive for creating hurt inside.

We might not be able to forget an incident, but it should no longer cause pain, forgiveness means to remember the incident but forget the pain associated with it. At times we choose to live with pain. We are holding on to that pain, check- pain is not holding on to you. When we accept the responsibility that whatever is happening is because of me and only me, any situation or person cannot impact me anymore. This is when we are totally liberated.

Life is under control, it is no longer in control of other people, past or situations. Whole life we try to control other people and situations and feel that our life is not in our own hands. But who has given the control outside? Our getting upset inside shows that we are trying to control things outside, other person’s behavior, other situations. But do not want to control our self and take the responsibility of our own behavior.

We cannot control anyone, neither anyone can control me. At times we do say that I have no choice, I have to do this…and feel like a victim and create hurt. Whereas the fact remains we always have a choice. The other person is just playing their role. The situation is just playing its drama. It is our choice to create fear, hurt or responsibility. Instead of feeling like a victim and saying ‘I have to’; the statement is actually I choose to…….do this.

We have to watch things carefully, how much weight and how much waste. Hurt is just extra weight and only waste we are carrying unnecessarily with us all the time. Today we know the importance of staying fit, the diseases caused by obesity, but we are unaware of extra weight on the soul, leading to the diseases of soul. We avoid eating junk food, it adds to the weight and is a waste for the body. But we keep feeding our soul with the junk of others. We enjoy gossiping and discussing others weaknesses. This adds to our weaknesses.

On the other hand if we discuss the strong points of others, their strengths, we become strong in the process. Fried food is very tasty and tempting it attracts a lot, similarly gossip attracts, it is inviting, gives pleasure, but it is harmful to the soul. Criticizing someone else creates negative energy, its waste and junk, creates weight on the soul.

Whatever hurt we are carrying with us is extra weight of the past, weaknesses of others, waste news etc… If body has extra weight cannot run or climb heights. Similarly extra weight on soul cannot rise or transform for better. If body does not release the waste in time and keep on carrying it, the whole body can become toxic and leads to sickness of various kinds. So release the waste from the soul before it gets toxic for it. Release all the past hurt, forgive the people and situations for your own benefits.
Keep soul light, it can adjust anywhere in any circumstances. Don’t overload it with any junk, be careful every day, every minute.With a lighter soul, we have improved flexibility for new challenges, transformation is much easier. When otherwise faced by a challenge it looks like a big rock, we take a hammer and start breaking it, no result. On the other hand with a lighter soul, we can rise above the rock/ challenge and jump across the hurdle, rather than fighting head on with the situation and trying to change it.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Stress And Performance

In most work situation/ jobs, our stress response causes our performance to suffer. A calm, rational, controlled and sensitive approach is usually called for in dealing with most difficult problems at work: Our social inter-relationships are just too complex not to be damaged by an aggressive approach, while a passive and withdrawn response to stress means that we can fail to assert our rights when we should.

In workplaces where people are constantly afraid and insecure, employees are at risk of "numbing out" to protect themselves. We see it in the blank faces of clerks, the lack of enthusiasm by front line workers, and in the remarkably insensitive ways managers and employees treat each other. The very mechanism which allows a person to survive an emotionally painful environment also makes it difficult for them to respond sensitively and empathetically to others. The organizational conflict and customer service consequences of this are obviously very costly.

This numbing process affects far more than the interpersonal realm of organizational performance. It affects all aspects of decision-making, innovation, and safety. With the thinking impaired, people are at greater risk of causing serious mistakes and accidents. They are also obviously less likely to make wise decisions and create process improvements.

To create a high performance organization, an organization which brings out the best in its people, we need to understand how stress affects people's intellectual, emotional, and interpersonal functioning.

I recently saw a poster, in which a man was standing on a surfboard in a complex yoga posture, balanced on one leg, – on the crest of a large ocean wave. Underneath, the inscription read: “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.” Stress emerges from believing you can control or stop the waves. Performance is about learning how to ride them.

Those in our profession who have learned how to transform stress into enhanced performance understand the foundational principle: what's important is not what's happening but how we're relating to it. We are frequently unable to control the way our cases develop or their outcomes. But we always have the ability to choose how we respond to these developments, rather than merely reacting automatically and unconsciously. If we can make conscious and skillful judgments and choices, rather than mechanically responding from habit and emotion, the results will naturally take care of themselves.

With the following equation we can understand the relationship and difference between pressure and stress (Pressure= Stress/ Resilience). Although pressure is healthy and important for completing any project, deadlines and performance commitments etc... Whereas stress is a state of mind, an experience while completing the task, which is very much within the control of an individual. And if we have unnecessary and waste thoughts while doing a job, the concentration level, decision power, performance and the focus to complete the job with details goes down drastically. Resilience is the amount of pressure an individual can handle, based on their belief system and thought process.

Through trial and error modern man has found a unique stress buster—knocking at the door of soul. When all outward sources of solace dry up it is but natural to look within, and to know, to understand the nature of the `self` and its requirements. This kind of mental orientation helps realize one`s inner potential and achieve personal growth. Spirituality, or knowing one`s `self`; and one`s relationship with God; is rapidly catching the imaginations of modern men.

In addition, leaders must learn to deal with stress, scare, worry and anxiety that disturb and destroy the 'calmness' and 'peace' of mind. It has been argued that if leaders are free from stress, they will be in their centered state and higher state of mind, as a result of which they can precisely see things as what they are, and can make the accurate and right decisions.

Stress and pressure, the way it is created today at work is through fear, and we expect that this fear shall help in motivation. Fear is a negative input, and can only result in negative output. Fear drains out energy it is not at all a motivator. Concentration suffers, and focus narrows as our brain becomes overloaded.

To remove stress from our daily lives, we have to work on the quality of thoughts. And understand that pressure shall always be there. Temporarily we all have experienced that mind is diverted when we are on a holiday, in a party, watching TV or a Movie, Shopping etc. What happens here is mind gets stimulation for a while and we feel relaxed. But stimulation is not relaxation.

For a more reliable system we have to work on our thoughts, turn them into positive, through a continuous and conscious practice of positive thinking, we are not only relaxing, but restructuring and reforming our whole personality from within. Like the mythological phoenix, we are burning the old samskaras, (impression left by previous thoughts or actions) habits and tendencies in order to be calm and serene always. This process is not only much quicker than other systems which work on an external basis only, but the results are also more reliable and permanent.

The art of resting the mind and the power of dismissing from it waste thoughts and all that creates worry is probably one of the secrets of energy in our great men.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Revolutionize Thinking

A mind once stretched by a new idea can never return to its original dimensions. We see the world not as it is but as we are. The size of our life reflects the size of our thinking. Our thinking creates our reality. Our beliefs truly become our self fulfilling prophecies.

Focus and energy shifted from conceiving something good to creating something great. “You will be bold and extraordinary, just being you." We all have within us the ability to be great. I believe that we are all created perfect and complete exactly as we are. However, we experience blockages to our perfection - - and these blockages can be transformed by subtle shifts in our thinking, thus transforming our ways of being, health, actions, and our reactions.

What we are thinking now is creating our life. Stop for a moment and identify thoughts. Are they positive or negative? Recall your daily thoughts; do you focus mostly on what is wrong in life rather than creating the life you want? We build our life by the blueprint and foundation of our thoughts.

Change the consistent thought pattern. The negative thoughts racing through our mind contribute to muscle tension, high blood pressure, and various other physical ailments. Negative energy created from negative thinking is permeating the cells of our body and surrounding our physical Self. This energy is interacting with the energy around us and intermingling to create our life.

To demonstrate a change from this, switch thoughts for a few moments and feel the difference in body and energy. Think of a meadow or a beautiful landscape. Feel it completely. Now think of something that prompts a smile. When we smile, we can feel a change in energy.

Change your thoughts and you change your world. - Norman Vincent Peale

Create a shift here, don't get critical or judgmental on any situation or any person; observe this behavior for few days and see the difference. This shall help to change the present and future. The judgments and criticism are coming from the past, let us not recreate the past again, let us create better present and future, it shall become better only by better thinking. This shall help us in becoming more peaceful with inner stability. And peace is power, power to influence, whether a situation or a person.

Experts say that when we’ve repeated a new thought or practiced a new habit for about 90 days, it becomes part of the brain architecture… part of our living. Let us never make the mistake of thinking that we’ve learned all there is to learn or that we can’t possibly grow any more. As long as we never get overly satisfied with whom we are, we’ll continue to grow.

In the words of B. Copeland, “Life is now in session. Are you present?”

With this little effort, it creates an aura of strength, purity and positivity around us. A shield which protects us from the arrows of negative talks of others and negatives of any given situation, rather giving strength in order to find a workable solution.

Let us find newness in every day, every situation and person. World has changed, so have myself and so have others, how can one person or situation be compared to something else based in the past. Let us deliberately work for and find something new in everything.

On the other hand if one tries to judge things based on their random perception which is developed based on the past experiences, then it acts as a filter or glasses to view every situation. The present and the future gets affected by our past perception and we find ourselves in similar situations with similar people, without any appropriate solution to move ahead progressively.

We are creating and giving meaning to every situation and people’s behavior. There is no meaning in any situation; we drive our own meanings based on our state of mind and past experiences of life. So, let us work on to consciously shift thoughts from negative to positive.

Consciously shift focus and choose to give time and awareness to all that we’re grateful for in life, doing this immediately shifts energy field and emerges into an open, receptive place where beautiful things can begin to happen. The act of appreciation can literally transform our life. Don’t underestimate the power of focusing on blessings each day, when we do this, we find our self becoming even more abundantly blessed with each passing day. One of the most important things to remember when we face challenges or seemingly impossible situations is to recognize that reality can always shift! In every single moment of every single day, we can choose to replace our feelings of stress, fear, or anger and breathe in feelings of peace, acceptance, joy, self love, and forgiveness. The choice is with us at all times.

We are not a victim of our surroundings or our circumstances unless we choose to be! An energetic shift is always (in all ways) available. We simply have to accept that opportunity each day of our life and begin to create our life on purpose by getting in the driver’s seat of our existence and choosing the energy that we wish to radiate into the world and our surroundings each day.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Invest in Relationships

People come first, let us invest in relationships. What is the point of achieving our dreams but being alone there, having no one to celebrate success with. Today we might have become well connected electronically, spending hours reading blogs, surfing internet, chatting online, doing FB, Orkut etc... but we have forgotten the importance of conversation and human touch, power of dinning and eating together with family and friends.

Let us work to build the bonds of humanity by being loving to kids and family, kind to friends, supportive to team members and customers. Relationships are most basic but most beautiful treasures of life; let us value them, realizing our own best through our relationships. Ultimately Business and life is all about forging human bonds.

Most of the time we take relationships for granted. We find it hard to say we value, love and treasure friends and families. Give the best when friends and families are around. No man is an island and we have to live in a community, in communication with others to survive and develop as a whole and complete person.

In the quest of the success, one important area which can be utilized as a feedback source for our life is human relationship. The quality and type of relationships that exists in our life can say much about our personality that we have gained over the period. Our relationship with other people mirrors our human life in different ways. We can measure the quality of our life by the quality of relationships we have with others. Having relationships that support us is probably the biggest key in becoming that grand person we envision to become.

Good relationships are central to a meaningful and fulfilling life.
For a high quality of life, a person should have relationships that bring fulfillment, stability, and contentment for life satisfaction. Quality of life really is not dependent upon one’s degree of wealth or material possessions. It is more dependent upon the relationships a person has - at work, in the family and friends, and the degree of intimacy and satisfaction they bring into a person’s life.

Healthy relationships support, encourage, inspire, and help one to improve and develop in a natural and functional manner. Healthy relationships are not just desirable, they are essential to human growth and development - satisfaction and fulfillment in life. In healthy relationships, one feels safe, valued and respected.

A great place to start improving our relationships is with our attitude: open mind and senses towards other people. If we are aware of this, and focus on improving our communication and relationships, we will begin to feel great about our self. A person with good communication skills will move swiftly towards his goals and dreams.

Loneliness is a powerful factor in our making an idol of a human relationship. It often drives us to value a human relationship for a kind of satisfaction it cannot deliver. There is always a price for the prize. Nothing is for free. However, with enough effort, focus, and determination that prize will become a reality and it will be well worth the price!

Money Is A Means To An End
We must learn this early in our life that money is only a means, a type of usefulness, an instrument. Like all instruments, it has certain purposes, but it will not do everything. One must learn how to use it, what it will do, but above all what it will not do."
Material goods are to be used and people to be loved, don’t do the other way round, loving the possessions and using the people. It is fatal for our own self.
Once we understand that money cannot purchase the emotions, relationships, or feelings that truly lead to happiness, money (and material possessions) will become much less important to us. If we do something just for the money, the love of it will soon die. If we do something we love, then the money is secondary but it will come a lot easier and it will last longer.


We work hard to make more money to have more possessions, some worthy and some not so necessary. Owning a luxurious bungalow is costly but we rationalize that the family will have so much fun and great memories together. But at times to build that bungalow, the family is no longer together. Material possessions are not as important as possessing shared experiences with our family. Furnishing our home with family is our best investment.

The key here is only when one is grounded in spirituality and has started the journey of a loving relationship with one self, which leads to know and develop a loving relationship with the Supreme, can one truly reap pure love and, more importantly, bring forth that pure love into other relationships.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Know Your Own Self Worth

In life one may travel a lot, may go places, have loads of experiences, good or bad, but one should never lose sight of who you are and what is the self worth.

"I am unique I am worth it and I deserve much more”.

The way forward to our own true life, is from the inside. Get to know and love yourself.

If we allow our value to be determined by others, by how useful we are to them, we may find our self constantly running around taking care of them, trying to prove our worth. We are allowing our validation to come from outside of our self. Our energy will be spent proving our worthiness to others.

We have the power completely within us to decide how to see and treat our self. If we first decide and appreciate our talent, capabilities and intelligence, it will be easier for others to see these parts of us.

It means knowing our good points and also knowing our points needing improvement. It means knowing how to take a compliment and accept a thank you. It means having pride in our accomplishments but without arrogance. Arrogance is the polar opposite of humility; it is thinking we are better than we really are.

One of the most common things people tend to base their concept of self worth on, is the job they do. OK fine, but what happens if one cannot do the job anymore?
What happens when one retires?
What happens if one becomes or was born, disabled, and all the "jobs" are no longer possible?
Now, does this mean that one no longer has any self worth?
Well, in the eyes of some people,.... But, important fact here, in your own eyes, has anything changed.

So what's my point? One’s self worth does not, or should not, depend on anything or anyone, outside of one self.

In the midst of an economy that has been slow in generating new jobs, it is dangerous to measure self-worth and the worth of others through a job title or the ability to make money. The family breadwinner who gets laid off and suddenly faces unemployment for the first time in his life, the idealist who quits an unfulfilled job to pursue a satisfying but less lucrative career or the college graduate who, has difficulty finding meaningful employment after graduation, suffer deep emotional blows if they tie their self-worth to a job.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

The reality is, our self-worth is in our own eyes, who and what one really is. Not what we can do for others, or what place we hold on the social scale, it's not our job, or our status, it's you .... you as a person, what you are inside that matters.

You are worthy by the simple reason you exist, you don't have to be anything else. You live, you breathe, and as long as you do both of those things, you have the ability to use whatever resources you have, for whatever purposes you want to.

Job titles or status, are wrong. None of that has anything thing to do with who and what we are. So whatever your pathway, it's for you and you alone to decide that. Once you have decided it, and accept the reality behind it, then you have a clear inner mirror, your self-worth is rock solid, as it’s based on your own personal thoughts.

We have no say on what another thinks, but we do have a choice on how we let those thoughts affect us.

May our inner mirror be bright. The more we feel good, the more we love our self and the more we love yourself the more positive things will come our way, since we will be receptive to them.

When we start looking within and celebrating the Truth of who we truly are, then we can celebrate our unique differences instead of judging them out of fear.